When it comes down to it, we learn our Lessons in Love from our relationships to our parents. This has to do with all of our relationships. I have rediscovered a sense of where I came from and how some of my emotional tendencies evolved by having some recent times with my two mothers. It has opened my eyes to see how I came to be the way I am. Somethings I took right from them and incorporated into my being, others I rebelled against and thus incorporated an opposition to them into my being.
I also see why some of my reactions and my husband’s reactions to one another have nothing to do with our true feelings but have to do with our learned behaviors in relationships due to our parents. We both have a certain history to overcome with childhood traumas and changes we never fully understood. My husband, additionally, has being hearing impaired to overcome in all he does in this very loud hearing world. We now realize we are so similar in our insecurities that it was hard for us to recognize these short falls and understand one another. Fear grows in the insecurities. I mean if I am insecure about the love in my life due to a fear of abondonement, then it is understandable that I would want to run before being abandoned by my love. I have now come to terms with the losses in love at early ages in my life. I am also having to come to terms with how my behaviors have affected my sons personalities and relationships as well.
Can we grow past the fears and insecurities that drove us apart? I Hope so. Though we have been through so many hard struggles as a couple, we have maintained our deep love for one another. It was necessary to take this journey of separation to learn about our own hearts and minds and those of our family. I have seen the things I took in that were negative and positive from my parents and I am working to overpower these to BE Love and to Live in Peace and Harmony with a renewed Faith and Hope to continue my growth toward a fully healthy life.
Have we burned down too many bridges in the past? Can we rebuild on the ashes of our past life together? I think so. Mark is working to strip our home clean and make it ready for our new beginning. His family has removed some of the excess furniture that made our house not really feel like ours. It was not our choice or style so it is a good choice for it to go.
We are going to work to make our house our home and fully filled with our style. So I am working my way back home and soon will be there for this fresh start together. I am getting healthier in everyway, emotional, mental and physical. I am coming home to me.