I heard on a television show, when you live day-to-day behind prison bars you become someone else. I’ve never been in prison. Been picked up one time when I was a teenager for running away but that’s all. I wasn’t really arrested. I wasn’t even fingerprinted.
I don’t know what that’s like, but I feel like I’ve been imprisoned in this body. I’ve been imprisoned in compromising relationships. I know we all have to compromise and we all have to make sacrifices and we all have to do our part and play our roles. We help others and help our families, but somehow along the way; I forgot to help myself.
So now I have to be as brave as I have always been, but more so because I have to say what I mean and risk losing the most important part of my life if it isn’t received well. But how can I become the me that I want to become if I can’t even talk straight about it? That’s what I am trying to accomplish, be fully developed in this life I am living if possible, but if not, find a place where I can.
I have to tell my truth to the ones I love and hope they love me enough to accept the revised version of myself. I took this leap yesterday, and thankfully he does accept me and appreciate my honesty. He’s in my corner and backing my renovation project 100%. My fears abated, I can now go forward with my new path embracing the future.
I am starving for sex. I am starving for an intellectual equal. I am starving for conversation. Maybe I used food to fill these voids, but never again. I will get these things into my life. I am not going to sit around waiting to die anymore. I am going to live fully! I will feed my passions and not my face. I have already regained 10 years of my life. I look and feel 10 years younger than I did 6 months ago.
Sorry about the soap box, but I am literally fighting for my life and love.